Lesson 2 Parental reactions to a child's emotional dysregulation

Lesson 1 Review

Let’s take a look back, during the last lesson we defined what parental responsiveness is,discussed how parental responsiveness influences a child’s cognitive, emotional, and social development,explained how responsive parenting influences child attachment, and learned how love has animpact on the brain and child cognition.

Lesson 2 Parental reactions to a child's emotional dysregulation

Parental reactions to a child’s emotional dysregulation

Introduction

Welcome to lesson 2! This lesson will help you as a parent understand how your responsesto your child’s emotional outbursts actually influence regulation, attachment, and long-term behavior.You will explore strategies for responding calmly and supportively, identify triggers for dysregulation,and learn how to foster emotional competence in your child.

Learning Outcomes:

1. Define emotional dysregulation and recognize common signs in children.

2. How constructive and unhelpful parental reactions influence a child’s ability to cope with frustration

3. and tantrums.

4. Explain how parental responses affect a child’s emotional development and self-control.

Learning outcome 1, Defining and recognizing emotional dysregulation Emotional dysregulation in children is sometimes viewed as emotional distress but it is more complex

than that. This definition of emotional dysregulation delves into what being emotionally dysregulatedtruly is. “A lack of emotional awareness and understanding is considered emotional dysregulation andis associated with various problems including pathological mental states and maladaptive behaviors”(Tao et al, 2023). As mentioned, emotional dysregulation leads to maladaptive behaviors which couldbe seen as another way of saying tantrums, outbursts, and other behaviors like constant crying, complaining,etc. Being aware of what emotional dysregulation is can help you as a parent learn how to care for yourchild while they are in a state of mind where listening and learning are impossible. When children areunable to identify, express, or control their feelings, they may display persistent irritability, anger orsadness that interferes with daily functioning and daily relationships.This next video explains emotional regulation, what it is, and how to teach it to your child. It is a bit

longer than the typical videos in these lessons but the skills found within are invaluable.

When you respond calmly, validate feelings and repair moments of disconnection, you teach your child

that emotions are safe to experience and manageable to express. Another thing we want to note the importance

of is that as you regulate your emotions well it will be an example to your child of how to react when they are

having strong negative emotions themselves. Remember that the goal isn’t perfection but presence as you model

patience, empathy, and self-control so your child can develop these same lifelong skills. Another thing this video

doesn’t focus on but that we want to stress the importance of is connection with your child. When you are teaching

them these emotional regulation skills it is a time for connecting with them so they know you can be trusted with

these emotions they are feeling in the future.

Question:

How can understanding the signs of emotional dysregulation help parents respond more effectively to a child’s

tantrums or emotional outbursts?

Journal

Take about a minute and write in your journal a few different ways you have dealt with emotional dysregulationin your child in the past or ways you have been hoping to deal with it. Sometimes helping your childregulate their emotions is not easy… so you have to have a plan or goal set up before dysregulation everoccurs. Easier said than done, I know. But as a parent you love your children and you want what is best for them. Take another minute or two now to write some personal goals you can work on in the next week or two.These goals should focus on how to regulate your child’s emotions, the importance of regulating yourown emotions while struggling with your child’s outbursts or tantrums, or being able to recognize whenyour child is emotionally dysregulated. Your responses and discipline will likely be different if you knowyour child isn’t acting out to be frustrated or annoying. They simply don’t know how to manage what theyare feeling and they need guidance on how to deal with their emotionsThis next video gives some advice on how to let your child experience hard things and difficult emotionswhile still guiding them through those hard feelings. It is important to remember that children do notunderstand how to overcome their negative emotions until you teach them how to. And even then ittakes time and patience, maybe reteaching them over and over until they understand and can apply it in their life.

Next is a video which may help those of you with slightly older children who are closer to 4 and 5 yearsold learn a simple coping skill known as a breathing technique. The video contains a short online readingof a book called Anger is a Storm which you could read with your child. At the end there is a short list of worksheet type questions you can goover with your child and or family.

Breathing techniques are valuable tools if taught and used correctly because they are simple and easyeven for children to learn. Children are most receptive to learning breathing techniques when they arein a good, happy, or playful mood and the skills they learn when they feel that way are going to helpthem use those skills as directed when they are upset in the future. The video below is optional andit is simply a one minute long video directing you when to breathe in, when to hold your breath andwhen to breathe out. There are so many videos online and you can find one that works best for yourchild and family.

 

Question:

How can simple breathing techniques help children learn to manage strong emotions and develop self-regulation

skills over time?

Children are not born with the ability to regulate their emotions. Their prefrontal cortex, the part of thebrain responsible for self-control and reasoning, develops gradually throughout childhood andadolescence (Siegel & Bryson, 2012). As a result, when children experience intense emotions,they often rely on parents for co-regulation, which is a process where a parent calms the child andhelps them regain emotional balance. Without this support, children are more likely to experienceongoing dysregulation, leading to challenges with attention, learning and social behavior (Thompson, 2019).

You as a parent are in the position of being able to teach your children about emotions, what they are,

and how to react safely to them. You do this by modeling the behavior you want your children to copy

(Houseman, 2017). When you feel angry or are fighting with your spouse, child, a friend, etc. do you speak

loudly? Is your tone aggressive and angry? Your child observes the way you argue with them or another

person and they will copy the way you argue. They are wired to learn from what they see and hear. 

One of the course creators shares her story about modeling and emotional regulation below: 

When I was in my late teenage years I realized that I typically held in my emotions until I

exploded in anger, usually over the smallest insignificant things. This was a lifelong pattern

I was beginning to recognize. As I grew up, went to college, and got married, I saw how the

pattern continued despite my best efforts to avoid my outbursts. But even before having children

of my own I knew that if I continued this pattern that my children would learn to have outbursts

of emotional dysregulation like I did. The more I thought about my future children and how I

hoped for them to be emotionally stable, the more I knew how much I needed to change. Of course

this felt overwhelming, and perfection is not expected, but I knew that if I made a real effort to change

that I would see improvement. When you become a parent you discover things about yourself that

you do and don’t want to pass on to your children but it was empowering to me to discover that

I have control over the way I act and that will directly influence and impact my children. I can make

that influence be positive- and so can you!

 

Journal:

Open up your electronic or physical journal and take a minute- or a few- and think about the ways youhave argued or fought with other people recently. Then think about how your child has argued orfought with you or others in the last few weeks. If you can’t think of an example, go forward overthe next few days and examine the way your child is fighting or arguing. This will be a veryintrospective activity because you will need to dig deep into your own feelings and be vulnerablewith yourself. Now, I want you to write down the ways you want your child to fight or argue. Maybe you want them to explain the way they are feeling instead of yellingat another person. It’s also possible you want them to listen to you when you ask them to dosomething and instead of fighting and arguing you want them to listen to why you are askingthem to do that thing. Again, this will take a change on your part. You may have to be morewilling to explain things to your child instead of just telling them "because I said so,” or othercommon phrases that make explanations for why, go unexplained.

Signs of emotional dysregulation and how to coach children through dysregulation

Recognizing signs of emotional dysregulation can help parents respond with empathy instead offrustration. Common signs will include frequent tantrums, excessive crying, verbal aggression,difficulty calming down or shutting down completely. For example, a child who screams and throwsa toy after losing a game is not simply being bad, they are overwhelmed by disappointment and thelack of skills to express it appropriately. When parents interpret  these moments as opportunities fo guidance rather than misbehavior, they can model emotional understanding and resilience. 

According to Gottman (1997), emotion-coaching parents, those who validate their children’s feelings

while setting clear boundaries, help children build strong emotional intelligence and self-regulation skills.

Instead of saying, “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal,” a parent might respond with “I can see you’re really

upset that your toy is broken. That must feel frustrating.” This type of acknowledgement teaches children

that emotions are manageable and temporary, which promotes healthy coping skills.

In summary, emotional dysregulation is not a sign of weakness or poor parenting, but a naturalpart of growing up. When parents learn to recognize and respond calmly to their child’s emotionalcues, they create a safe environment for emotional growth and resilience. 

Question:

How can parents use moments of emotional dysregulation, like tantrums or outbursts, as opportunities

to teach children emotional awareness and coping skills instead of viewing them as misbehavior?

Lesson outcome 2, Constructive and unhelpful parental reactions influencing a child’s ability to cope

with frustration and tantrums

Journal

As you read this next section consider the question: How might a parent’s calm response during a tantrum influence a child’s ability to self-soothe next time? As you read, you may want to write down your thoughts inyour journal.

Parental reactions to a child’s frustration and tantrums play a central role in shaping emotionalregulation skills. Constructive parental responses, such as empathy, calm modeling and consistentboundaries, teach children how to manage strong emotions effectively. When parents validate theirchild’s feelings and guide them toward appropriate coping strategies, children will learn self-regulationand frustration tolerance (Eisenberg, Spinrad, & Eggum, 2010).

Unhelpful reactions, such as yelling, dismissing emotions or punitive discipline, can escalateemotional responses and hinder a child’s ability to self-sooth. Studies have shown that harsh orinconsistent discipline predicts increased emotional dysregulation, aggression, and anxiety(Morris et al., 2017). Supportive emotional coaching from parents encourages the developmentof executive functioning and resilience, while negative responses tend to reinforce impulsive o avoidant behavior (Gottman, Katz, & Hooven, 1997). An example of a constructive reaction mightinvolve a parent calmly acknowledging a child’s anger, for example saying, “I can see you are upsetthat your toy is lost; that is hard,” then helping your child find a solution. On the other hand, anunhelpful response might be shouting or ignoring the behavior, which communicates that emotionsare unacceptable or unimportant. The way parents handle a child’s frustration directly impacts thechild’s later emotional intelligence, problem-solving, and self-control.

Journal

Write a brief reflection about a time when a supportive adult reaction affected your own coping skills.One example from the life of one of the curriculum creators occurred when she was around 5 years old “I was at my best friend’s house and I was close with this family so I was open to learning and comfortablwith them. Me and my friend had been fighting over what to play or something similar, and my friend’smom intervened. She didn’t tell us to just stop fighting and she didn’t separate us, instead she taugh us about the word compromise. She asked if we knew what it meant and when we told her we didn’t,she explained what it meant and how we could compromise in our current situation. That may nothave been something that will always work with children, but at the time it taught me that sometimesit is ok to not get exactly what you want. Looking back now it was a very memorable moment for meand I see my friend’s mom as a great teacher who saw the importance of teaching children how to copewith disagreements.”

Lesson outcome 3, Parent responses affect a child’s emotional development and self-control

In this video, a TED talk, Dr. Becky Kennedy explains that the most powerful parenting strategy isrepairing moments of disconnection. Every parent inevitably makes mistakes, they yell, lose patienceor say things they regret. What truly matters is how a parent responds afterwards. Repair is the greates and most powerful parenting strategy. Step 1- repair with yourself, you are not your behavior and youcan do better next time. Because you recognize that the way you acted is not in accordance with whoyou are, you recognize that there is a need for a change in your behavior. Step 2- Repair with yourchild, name what happened, take responsibility, and state what you would do differently next time.

This short clip gives insight into repairing with yourself which is something you can do as a parent

before repairing with your child.

Watch from time stamp 8:55-10:08 in the next video for an example of a good repair example versus

a nonrepair. 

Parenting behaviors are among the most significant predictors of a child’s emotional development.Responsive, nurturing and attuned parenting supports the maturation of emotional regulation systemsof the brain, fostering a secure attachment and self-control (Thompson, 2014). When parentsconsistently respond with warmth and sensitivity, children internalize emotional regulation strategiesand develop the capacity to manage stress and impulses (Kopp, 1989)In an opposing example, dismissive or punitive responses can impede emotional growth, leading toheightened emotional reactivity and difficulties in self-regulation. Research has found that emotionallyunresponsive parenting increases long-term risks such as poor peer relationships, academic strugglesand externalizing behaviors (Denham et al., 2012). Parents who model calmness and reflectivedialogue help children learn that emotions are manageable rather than being overwhelmingReflective dialogue might include when a parent calmly helps a child name and understand theirfeelings as shown here: "You are disappointed that the show is over, let’s take a deep breathtogether,” the child learns both emotional vocabulary and regulation. This is a great reminderthat breathing techniques (which we learned about earlier) are going to be helpful to you and yourchild in so many situations! Sometimes it might not be so easy to get your child to take a deepbreath to calm down, but teaching skills such as taking deep breaths to calm yourself is somethingthat children can benefit from. With something like that, consistency is key. Remember, teachthis to your child at various times when they are in a good mood and it has a much higher chanceof working when they are dysregulated! They will learn over time and consistent reminders to takedeep breaths when frustrated that it is ok to feel the emotion but they need to respond reasonablyto their frustration, anger, etc. Additionally, when you reflect their feelings back to them you arehelping them identify their emotion so they understand what an emotion feels like. If a child isable to voice their feelings after learning to recognize emotions from you, you as a parent willknow how to handle a situation better once they are able to accurately voice emotions and feeling themselves. Your child will likely feel more understood if you respond according to what theyare feeling rather than solely to the way they are acting out.

In contrast to a calm response, scolding or minimizing the feeling like in the followingexample: “Stop that crying, it’s not a big deal,” teaches them avoidance and emotionalsuppression. Consistent emotional responsiveness from parents builds children’s self-controland emotional literacy, forming the foundation for resilience and social competence. 

Question:

How does responsive and nurturing parenting contribute to a child’s ability to manage emotions and develop

healthy self- regulation skills compared to dismissive or punitive parenting? 

Conclusion

In conclusion, helping the parents understand how their reactions influence a child’s emotionaldevelopment is essential for fostering long-term well-being. When parents respond with calmness,validation and consistency, they nurture emotional regulation and secure attachment. Recognizin emotional dysregulation as a normal developmental challenge, not misbehavior, will empowe parents to guide rather than punish their children before understanding why they are acting acertain way. It is better to understand because once you do that, you may just find that your childdoesn’t need a punishment, sometimes they need to be taught. Constructive responses rooted inempathy and reflective dialogue build children’s emotional intelligence, self control, and resilience.Conversely, harsh or dismissive reactions can damage trust and increase distress. Ultimately, parentswho manage their own emotions set the foundation for their children to do the same, creating a stable,supportive environment where both parents and children can thrive emotionally.We encourage parents to reflect on one new strategy and to help notice gradual changes in theirchild’s responses the next time your child becomes dysregulated. Every parent has the ability tomake a meaningful difference simply by staying present, patient and compassionate. Rememberthe principle, “ Connection before correction helps children feel safe enough to learn self-control.”

Taking a Look Ahead

In the next lesson we will be discussing the benefits of creating strong parent child relationshipsand how that relationship should come before disciplining your child. There is of course nuanc to this and that will all be covered next time in lesson three.

Resources

Diechmann, & F., Anhert, L., (2021). The terrible twos: How children cope with frustration and tantrums

and the effects of maternal and paternal behaviors. The Official Journal of the International Congress of

Infant Studies. https://research.ebsco.com/c/pwkw7r/viewer/pdf/3xgkut4dg5 

Houseman, D. K. (2017). The importance of emotional competence and self‑regulation from birth:

a case for the evidence‑based emotional cognitive social early learning approach. International Journal

of Childcare and Education Policy. DOI 10.1186/s40723-017-0038-6. 

Sari, E., & Yalçın, S. S. (2024). Interplay of paternal caregiving and screen use habits on early childhood

development and children’s tantrums. Italian Journal of Pediatrics,

50(1), 1–14. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13052-024-01802-x

Yang, L., Xiangrui, J., Weiwei, J., & LongYan, P. (2025). The relationship between screen exposure

and behavior problems in children: a network analysis. Psychology, Health &

Medicine, 1–16. https://doi.org/10.1080/13548506.2025.2519222

Tao, S., Lau, E. Y. H., & Hong, H. (2023). Parents’ orientation to learning, children’s emotion

regulation and internalizing  behavior: A longitudinal mediation study. Journal of Child and

Family Studies. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-022-02319-9. 

Malik, M., Maqbool, S., Ali, A., Azhar, H., Ullah, E., & Farid, A. (2022). Impact of Screen Media

Usage on Early Childhood Development. Pakistan Armed Forces Medical

Journal, 72(6), 1977–1981. https://doi.org/10.51253/pafmj.v72i6.7024

Gottman, J.M. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child: The heart of parenting. Simon & Schuster. 

Richards, N., & Bain, A. (2025). Teaching Emotional Self-Regulation Skills to Young Children

With Challenging Behavior. Journal of Research in Childhood

Education, 39(4), 681–699. https://doi.org/10.1080/02568543.2024.2402282

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T.P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture

your child’s developing mind. Delacorte press

Thompson, R.A. (2019). Emotion regulation: A theme in search of definition. Monographs of the

Society for Research in Child Development, 86(3), 7-25. 

Eisenberg, N., Sprinrad, T.L., & Eggum, N.D. (2010). Emotion-related self-regulation and its relation

to children’s maladjustment. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6(1), 495-525

Gottman, J.M., Katz, L.F.,&Hooven, C. (1997) Meta-emotion: How families communicate emotionally.

Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Denham, S.A., BAssett, H.H. & Wayatt, T. (2012). The socialization of emotional competence.

In P.K. Smith & C.H. Hart(Eds.), The Wiley-Blackwell handbook of childhood social

development (pp. 590-613) Wiley-Blackwell 

Morris, A.S., Silk, J.S., Steinberg, L., Myers, S.S.& Robinson, L.R.(2017). The role of the family context

in the development of emotion regulation. Social Development, 26(1), 1-15.

Kopp, C.B.(1989). Regulation of distress and negative emotions: A developmental view. Developmental

Psychology, 25(3), 343-354

Thompson, R.A. (2014). Socialization of emotion and emotion regulation in the family. In

J.J. Gross(Ed.), Handbook of emotion regulation (2nd ed., pp.173-186). New York, NY: Guilford Press.